China Marketing . . . For Those of you Native English Speakers Looking for a Laugh

So, in case any of you were wondering what I do for my work, I thought I'd share with you an example. I have recently been given a more concrete job. In addition to my work in ROI (Return On Investment) work, and writing corporate overviews and such, I have been designated as the English language cunsultant for the whole company.

Today at 10:50 am, I was given the following text; a speech to be given at an upcoming event. I have changed the name of the product and the company so that I can't get into any trouble for posting it. My instructions were essentially, though actually given in broken English by a Chinese associate: "Read this and correct the English so it sounds like it is coming from a native speaker by 11:00 am (10 minutes after I received it) . . . can you do that?" I said "maybe," and set to work.

Actual text as I received it (with the above-mentioned edits for confidentiality):

"19:30-19:35 MC Opening

Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you for attending the launch of “[Chinese name of product]”. Here, our colleagues of Brand A China are thanks everyone to be here for this great moment! Meanwhile, thank you for your concern of Brand A always.

Brand A represent the fine and immutability of style, this is the lifestyle of succeed human being. Brand A symbolize the extremely conceited, also it’s indicate the dream comes true!

Let’s give a warm welcome to the representative of enterprise：XXX

（Staff lead to stage）

Next let’s welcome XXX to give us the welcome speech.

19:35-19:40 The welcome speech of XXX.

（Speech Over，Back to Seat）

19:40-19:42 [Chinese]

Thank you very much for the great speech. There is someone often ask: What is Brand A brand likes? Actually, not matter where, Brand A keeps it’s characterizes. Next let us to appreciate this brand

19: XX-19: XX Brand Video Show

XX: XX-XX: XX [Chinese]

After watching Brand A video, I believe everyone have some knowledge of Brand A. Many people who are well-know Brand A [Model Name] is classics motorcycle (Note: it was actually a car) type. BRAND A [Model Name] is a design originally from [Country] by [Name]. It is like a

work of art. The pursuit of beauty and life, Is also has elegant, sports and features of exclusive.

Today BRAND A company present new [Model Name] CEO Series automatic transmission modes——BRAND A [Model Name] Automatic. The brand new series provides a new 6-speed automatic transmission, a brand new body color and two-color seating, also provides more variety of choice for the owners.
Ladies and Gentlemen, next let give warm welcome to our guest to inaugurate. Representative of EnterpriseXXXX and local retailer general manager to stage

XX: XX-XX: XX New Car Launch

XX: XX-XX: XX MC [Chinese Name]

How arouse feeling moment, so charm. Let us remember this moment. After Brand A [Model Name] Executive Series before in our eyes, May I present you a show, let us appreciate this moment again.

XX: XX-XX: XX New Car Video Show

XX: XX-XX: XX Q&A串场

I guarantee everyone has some question to Brand A [Model Name] Executive Series after appreciation. Now I will present Mr.XXXX and Mr.XXX explained why this car is so charm and how they are so special and different with other cars.

XX: XX-XX: XX Q&A Finish

Thank you giving us a brilliant explanation.

However I think this simple explanation is not enough to you understand. Therefore have to personal experience Brand A Executive Series automatic transmission models, we will arrange test driving for everyone lately. Our staff will arrange test driving for everyone here during the party time.

Well, there is enough explanation. I think everyone must want to see Brand A Executive Series engine right away. Now, Let us welcome Mr.XXXX and Mr. XXX to open engine top, and show us the heart of Brand A Executive Series.

XX: XX-XX: XX Open Show Car Engine Top

XX: XX-XX: XX MC [Chinese Name]

By the way, today all the attendee to test driving will get a present from Brand A. This present is a Brand A hand mud making by yourself. After you make appointment of test driving, we will invite you to make your hand mud, and processing after party finish, also this hand mud is with the autograph of [Name Deleted] Brand A Chinese general manager. When you participate in the test driving, we will give you this hand mud. This special hand mud is not only representing the friendship between you and Brand A, meanwhile only attendees have this present, which is good value of collection.

Well, next I will past to our music band, I wish everyone enjoy this party and Brand A launch

XX: XX-XX: XX MC Ending Speech

Ladies and Gentlemen, Here,“[Chinese name of product]”is going to be finish really soon, Exciting moment always really short, but leave many wonderful memories to us. We appreciate Brand A [Model Name] executive series automatic transmission models, and spend a full of passion, beautiful, unforgettable night, at this moment, we have to say goodbye. On behalf of all my colleagues in the Brand A again thanks to the arrival of the distinguished guests, and I wish everyone success, healthy and a happiness! We expect meet again in the Brand A [Model Name] Executive Series automatic transmission models testing drive..."

Fun Huh? I finished at 11:25 am. I figure that was pretty quick.