China Marketing . . . For Those of you Native English Speakers Looking for a Laugh

So, in case any of you were wondering what I do for my work, I thought I'd share with you an example. I have recently been given a more concrete job. In addition to my work in ROI (Return On Investment) work, and writing corporate overviews and such, I have been designated as the English language cunsultant for the whole company.

Today at 10:50 am, I was given the following text; a speech to be given at an upcoming event. I have changed the name of the product and the company so that I can't get into any trouble for posting it. My instructions were essentially, though actually given in broken English by a Chinese associate: "Read this and correct the English so it sounds like it is coming from a native speaker by 11:00 am (10 minutes after I received it) . . . can you do that?" I said "maybe," and set to work.

Actual text as I received it (with the above-mentioned edits for confidentiality):

"19:30-19:35 MC Opening

Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you for attending the launch of “[Chinese name of product]”. Here, our colleagues of Brand A China are thanks everyone to be here for this great moment! Meanwhile, thank you for your concern of Brand A always.

Brand A represent the fine and immutability of style, this is the lifestyle of succeed human being. Brand A symbolize the extremely conceited, also it’s indicate the dream comes true!

Let’s give a warm welcome to the representative of enterprise：XXX

（Staff lead to stage）

Next let’s welcome XXX to give us the welcome speech.

19:35-19:40 The welcome speech of XXX.

（Speech Over，Back to Seat）

19:40-19:42 [Chinese]

Thank you very much for the great speech. There is someone often ask: What is Brand A brand likes? Actually, not matter where, Brand A keeps it’s characterizes. Next let us to appreciate this brand

19: XX-19: XX Brand Video Show

XX: XX-XX: XX [Chinese]

After watching Brand A video, I believe everyone have some knowledge of Brand A. Many people who are well-know Brand A [Model Name] is classics motorcycle (Note: it was actually a car) type. BRAND A [Model Name] is a design originally from [Country] by [Name]. It is like a

work of art. The pursuit of beauty and life, Is also has elegant, sports and features of exclusive.

Today BRAND A company present new [Model Name] CEO Series automatic transmission modes——BRAND A [Model Name] Automatic. The brand new series provides a new 6-speed automatic transmission, a brand new body color and two-color seating, also provides more variety of choice for the owners.
Ladies and Gentlemen, next let give warm welcome to our guest to inaugurate. Representative of EnterpriseXXXX and local retailer general manager to stage

XX: XX-XX: XX New Car Launch

XX: XX-XX: XX MC [Chinese Name]

How arouse feeling moment, so charm. Let us remember this moment. After Brand A [Model Name] Executive Series before in our eyes, May I present you a show, let us appreciate this moment again.

XX: XX-XX: XX New Car Video Show

XX: XX-XX: XX Q&A串场

I guarantee everyone has some question to Brand A [Model Name] Executive Series after appreciation. Now I will present Mr.XXXX and Mr.XXX explained why this car is so charm and how they are so special and different with other cars.

XX: XX-XX: XX Q&A Finish

Thank you giving us a brilliant explanation.

However I think this simple explanation is not enough to you understand. Therefore have to personal experience Brand A Executive Series automatic transmission models, we will arrange test driving for everyone lately. Our staff will arrange test driving for everyone here during the party time.

Well, there is enough explanation. I think everyone must want to see Brand A Executive Series engine right away. Now, Let us welcome Mr.XXXX and Mr. XXX to open engine top, and show us the heart of Brand A Executive Series.

XX: XX-XX: XX Open Show Car Engine Top

XX: XX-XX: XX MC [Chinese Name]

By the way, today all the attendee to test driving will get a present from Brand A. This present is a Brand A hand mud making by yourself. After you make appointment of test driving, we will invite you to make your hand mud, and processing after party finish, also this hand mud is with the autograph of [Name Deleted] Brand A Chinese general manager. When you participate in the test driving, we will give you this hand mud. This special hand mud is not only representing the friendship between you and Brand A, meanwhile only attendees have this present, which is good value of collection.

Well, next I will past to our music band, I wish everyone enjoy this party and Brand A launch

XX: XX-XX: XX MC Ending Speech

Ladies and Gentlemen, Here,“[Chinese name of product]”is going to be finish really soon, Exciting moment always really short, but leave many wonderful memories to us. We appreciate Brand A [Model Name] executive series automatic transmission models, and spend a full of passion, beautiful, unforgettable night, at this moment, we have to say goodbye. On behalf of all my colleagues in the Brand A again thanks to the arrival of the distinguished guests, and I wish everyone success, healthy and a happiness! We expect meet again in the Brand A [Model Name] Executive Series automatic transmission models testing drive..."

Fun Huh? I finished at 11:25 am. I figure that was pretty quick.

Second Half of Thailand

So I’m back in Beijing after the Trip to Thailand. And let me tell you, Thailand really picked up after the last short blog post. I completely fell in love with it.

Why is Thailand so awesome? Well, it starts with the people. If you’ve spent any extended time with the Thai’s themselves, Spaniards, or drunken Wisconsinites when the Packers are winning, then you have some idea of what I’m talking about. With the exception of a couple of Taxi drivers and swindlers hanging out at tourist spots in Bangkok, everybody seemed to be extremely genuine, always smiling, and always willing to have fun.

In Ao Nang, I met several excellent Thai people. Our (all plurals refer to Mike and me, unless otherwise inferred or stated) crazy stoned boat guide named Him (photos of him to be posted when Mike sends me his photos), our mellow stoned driver that took mike and me to the elephant trek, the wonderfully pleasant ladies who worked at the internet café and tourist office, and a group of people who worked at what became my favorite bar.

I have to admit that I was a little biased at the bar since one of the waitresses there, named Um (pronounced ahm), was phenomenally beautiful and we took a liking to each other (enough that I plan to take a trip back to travel with her for a while – yes, I know I’m crazy, but if you have a problem with it, just hop a flight to China and try to stop me . . . haha). But back to the point, she was wonderful, her friends (even, and perhaps especially, her ladyboy friends) were fun, our guides were excellent, and the Thai people in general just made life simple and great!

Anywhoo, the first thing that Mike and I did after the last post was slept, but then we woke up for an Elephant Trek! It was unlike what I expected. A pretty smooth ride, just rocking back and forth. Not exhilarating whatsoever. The elephants were really gentle; one was driven by a 7ish year old kid. Our elephant was mentally challenged. We wouldn’t have known from riding him, but when people tried to feed him bananas, he couldn’t seem to find his mouth, whereas the elephant next to him seemed like his trunk was a rubber band that snapped directly back into his mouth. Our elephant would curl up the trunk and miss his mouth to the left or right and try unsuccessfully a couple more times before finally hitting the mark. After the elephant rides (during which Mike was almost killed by a huge spider – not really, but we almost ran into it, and it was about the size of my hand), we went to a cave for a little bit. Alright, but not amazing.

That afternoon we laid on the beach and Mike got sunburned and lazy. After some dinner and a failed attempt at playing darts due to a power outage, we decided to sleep . . . at 8 pm. Well, the power came back on and I decided that sleeping that early was lame, so I went out to try and meet people while Mike slept and whined about his sunburn (sorry Mike, you deserve to be chastised a little). So I went to this bar where these two girls tried to get us to come the night before by luring us in with free pool. I got a beer and took to flirting with one of the girls and eventually ended up asking her out to dinner on her night off (can you guess who this girl is?). She agreed, so I considered my night a success and went to bed because I had an early boat ride in the morning.

The next day was a boat trip to islands around Ao Nang. Swimming, snorkeling, eating “yummy yummy” as our stoned boat guide called it, and so forth. It was beautiful, and there are lots of pictures from this portion on my webshots site (http://community.webshots.com/user/ngpinger). After that, Mike and I went back to my favorite bar, played some pool, and then went home to bed.

The remainder of our days in Ao Nang was composed of lots of dancing very late into the night, sleeping late in the day, and an occasional meal. The club that we found (where the young people hang out) was a total meat market, and I was thankful that I had decided to focus my attention on dancing with Um. Mike, on the other hand wasn’t (or was?) so lucky, and was swarmed by a mix of western girls, Thai girls, and ladyboys. It was very funny to watch since he is generally so shy unless he’s around people that he knows, but he eventually got used to it. He was also lucky that Um had some very nice ladyboy friends who would protect him when the more aggressive ladyboys attacked.

But like all good things, that expensive and physically taxing lifestyle had to come to an end, and we had to leave. Hence, we caught a ridiculously uncomfortable night bus back to Bangkok. Bangkok the second time was very relaxed. Mike and I shopped a little. Mike went home. I studied Chinese a little since I had free time. And then I went home. And that was that.

Now I’m back in Beijing and have been immersed back into the fast-paced, work-driven, quite rude Chinese lifestyle (my cab driver on the way home from the Airport kept yelling at me about how he had been driving for 10 hours . . . I should have pretended that I didn’t speak Chinese . . . it wasn’t cool), and I miss Thailand already. However, as I mentioned before, I do plan to go back! If I like it as much as I did the first time I was there, maybe I’ll take the country up as my next residence and anybody who wants to can come to visit me in a tropical paradise!

I’ll leave the post off there, and I’ve decided that I’m not going to write anymore about NYC, LA, Las Vegas and Wisco; my life is moving too quickly, and most of it was work anyways. However, I do have some photos posted from those places. Be sure to check them out here! I’ll send out an email when I’ve posted the ones that I receive from Mike.